if there’s a grid, you’re off it

You hated me when I didn’t know you,
jealousy over another’s arms
giving me hugs.
Anger over me being me.
If I could’ve stopped this thing then,
I would’ve taken you out.

We laughed at you in class.
Crack of your ass showing,
shoulders hunched. All it takes is a glance
between us and we die again.
I didn’t know that was you.

One day I had a crush,
it lasted all of a damn year,
wasting my time when
your eyes never lingered,
only sneered.
Somehow I made it over, once or twice,
but always hid behind others.

Lunches sometimes,
mainly(only) groups.
I am redeeming myself
and you are dealing crushing blows.

Hot and cold, hot and cold;
compliments, and then
ignored. What a sham.

At least you found happiness though,
ironically in the arms of another.
You don’t see me angry, just wanting you

4/20 poem


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