numbers

every day you have made yourself less of what i knew
and more of this alien. strange to think that
what i once lived for is so
foreign to me now. i cannot express the pain
or the doubt or the guilt because i don’t know why i have either
or any of the above.

do you remember walking
everywhere? i never remember you saying
you hated it. i simply
loved the time we had,
and you (pain doubt guilt #1)
and couldn’t wish for anything more.

i wish i could rest my head,
back on the side of your shoulder.
i never could make you see the way,
and i could never keep you safe from yourself (#2).
this is a bit rough, but i don’t think it’s meant to get better.

perhaps i can define things
that you knew all along but
couldn’t say, because of all of the above
(pain, doubt, and guilt)
keep crashing down.
and it’s two or (#3) times that i’ve felt
like i’ve done something wrong.
one day i’ll pick it up and move on,
a forth attempt from the right way out.

i’ll leave your guiltless (soulless) eyes behind.
don’t you know we all have demons?

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3 thoughts on “numbers

  1. great poem…coming to terms with loss is so hard…demons hiding in the shadows just to stir the pot…

  2. Kind of scary how we evolve and sometimes those we once loved and needed no longer exist in the same way for us. You captured this loss beautifully.

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