everything i cannot say

at 1am i stop backtracking
because whatever the spellcheck
doesn’t catch or care about, neither do
i. and i’m sorry for the way things have been,
but i’m walking a line i’ve crossed
before and i don’t plan to go there
again.

i’ve spoken about more than i can handle-
coffee cups and paper ring stains-
you say you understand. really, you’re
convincing, but even i don’t know what
i mean anymore.

i’ve never been more sorry that the truth hurts
and i’ve never wanted more to stop breaking you.
i was born different, but i’m also
only human, and i have a breaking point too.
i know about caring and wanting to know
things like when and why
and if i could, i’d define them for us both.

if my voice went lower, i would send it
deep and calming and lacking
high pitched fear. i can’t claim to be happy
with what i’ve become but i’ve learned to be
content. i accepted myself, and i’m sorry that
i’ve no desire to change.

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2 thoughts on “everything i cannot say

  1. I’m not certain that attempting to change who you are ever works any way…why change the fabric of your being just to be accepted by someone or something….this is a excellent poem…I love the way it reads and its emotion…thanks!

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